I had many thoughts of magic while walking the Wicklow Mountains. Thoughts of childhood fantasies came fluttering back along the paths and boardwalks. A collaboration of fairy lands, Narnia, Terabithia, etc. I dreamt of and made my own when I was of a younger young. It felt very silent there, even though I was walking with conversation. I always imagined Ireland to be of a quieter nature, and it is, throughout.
There was one moment here I remember in particular. I was by myself for hardly a moment, looking beyond the upper lake at the mountain parallel. My mind created scenes before me that my 10 year-old self would have been doing the entire adventure. And I felt quite sad from it. The images did not last too long, but the feeling lingered for the rest of the ways.
For some reason I always think I’ve lost a huge part of my identity simply from being exposed to more (aka becoming an adult). I worry what I will be like in 5,10, 15 years.. I wonder if I will be cut off from what once was. The storylines, images, characters, creatures, even the names.. will they be flushed away?
I think finding your inner child is a private matter. Perhaps if I were alone things would have been different. Perhaps not. It is funny though. Because while I felt an underlying nostalgic sorrow, I had a very good time during my mini hike. My adult was showing most of the ways and I was very excited to be there and enthusiastic even when the winds got really quick and the air biting cold.
Perhaps my deep inner child is in the shadows for a reason. Growing can’t be too bad. After all, like the trees, things tend to become more mysterious and interesting as they age.