I’ve been trying to find time. It is all I can think about now. The transition is harsh- going from summer, where time is defined by the patterns of the sun, to schedules that consume your every being right down to the last minute before shut eye. I’ve become a master planner, but I am almost repulsed by this convulsive adaptation I have had to wrap my life around in order to succeed here at my new place of living.
I’ve seen grey days under the sunlight, and I feel worn out at the most inconvenient of times. But time and times again. And again. And again. I find myself longing always for one thing: to sleep.
Sleep in college is precious. I know you have heard or experienced this before. Everyday I plan to sleep “early” and I do because 2am really is early in the morning. So I find that I should start saying late, because 11:59pm really is late but not too late if you know what I mean.
The couple weeks ago I was babysitting for a family who lives in Tribeca who I was introduced to by a mutual friend. Their child took a 2 hour nap 4 hours before I had arrived. I arrived at 4. She told me that he normally goes to bed at 6:30, and I thought about that. Imagine going to bed at 6pm in the afternoon, I don’t even consider that evening yet. That’s something short of amazing, and I was very jealous of him, and wished we could trade places.
While babysitting I was reminded a lot about my childhood, only of course. What doesn’t remind me of my childhood? I thought of the songs my mom used to sing to me at night. It was a soft voice she had, I liked that part the most I think.
My lullabies consisted of: ∙Blossom (referred to as the flower song) by James Taylor
∙Sweet Baby James (referred to as the cowboy song) by James Taylor ~ (we like him a lot)
∙Blackbird by The Beatles
I played Sweet Baby James to my roommate and she did not recognize it, nor did she like it in general, and that makes me sad. Not for myself but for her. Because I grew up listening to my parent’s music, and I always feel bad for people who don’t, because it is of such quality one should not go without.
Yet I understand that every family is different, and not everyone is going to know who James Taylor is. And I do not always put myself to sleep with these songs. In fact, I hardly ever do now. My sleep playlist consists of 3 specific movie soundtracks: 12 Years A Slave, Moneyball, and Inception. Then I have various artists: Ta-Ku, The Paper Kites, Jose Gonzáles, etc.
Even with all these songs collected over the years, I still find that lullabies are further escaping my sleeping patterns. It is hard when you have to acknowledge that you no longer sleep on a queen mattress with a dog and cat warming your feet, but rather with another person on the opposite of the room. I do not dislike this, however. It may sound as if I do since my new patterns are not ideal, but I’ve grown to be comfortable with it. I signed up for this. It was my choice.
This past weekend I went home. I saw my closest friends and Loved it. Even though the weather was twenty to ten degrees cooler, I felt as if I had traveled back to this past summer. Going to college has yet to occur, even if I spoke about it as if I knew..
But after hours and hours of car rides, bus rides, and subway rides on Monday afternoon into the night, I finally made it back to my room. I walked past my roommate, who I was happy to see, and face planted onto my bed, with my enormous backpack still strapped to my shoulders. I moaned relief and started right back up from what was left here on Friday before I had gone.
I miss people at home. Some days so much it hurts, but I’m not lonely and I’m not sad. And even when I do fall asleep and dream about places and people I want to see, I get up feeling okay that I have to wait for those experiences. Because I know I will get to the points of greatness I strive for. So sleep is actually more a wake up call then this university itself. There is so much to do and the time gap between those points are misconceived, which allows for ample patience and wonder within the boundaries of life. If I sleep too much, I may overwhelm my understandings of the future. Maybe going to bed “early” isn’t so bad after all.